Master Cleanse - Day 1 (mid day)

I guess the tea did what it needed to over night, because with in a min of being awake, I had to run to the bathroom! So I decided to skip the salt water flush. Dont wanna over do it right away.

Made a 100 oz batch of the drink.

Had my first glass of the lemonade kind of late. Surprisingly enough, it didn't taste bad at all! Tasted like juice. The only thing I didn't like was the cayenne pepper hitting the back of my throat :\
Feels like the feeling right after/ during heart burn. Hopefully that goes away.

It's 4pm right now. I should have had at least 3 glasses by now! Currently sipping away at my second glass. I feel full :(
Not hungry at all! Sis made french fries. They smelled so good. But I didn't feel urged to try one! *fingers crossed* Seems like will power is going to be on my side this time arounddd!

Lets see how the rest of the day goes. *chugs rest of the glass and runs to the bathroom!*

:* mV

Master Cleanse - Day 0

Spent almost the entire day trying to track down Grade B maple syrup. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE! Ugh!
Finally re-read the article and realized grade a, which is EVERYWHERE, is perfectly fine. -_- #fail... finally have everything.

My sister wants to join and do it with me. I don't mind, I'm just worried it won't be good for her... mentally. I don't want this leading into some crazy eating disorder. I'll hate my self more than I do now.

Just weighed my self and took the "before" pictures. Oh man. *really sad face*... I didn't realize I was this big! And no, not blaming the cam for adding 10 lbs.

So according to the article's instructions, tonight I have to drink a laxative tea and call it a night. I made the tea. It smells so nice! Like cinnamon and fennel seeds. But tastes like literally nothing. Which is good, I guess lol.. better than tasting bad. I'll be sipping on my tea and catching up on the last episodes of Suits (which I missedddd!) And trying my hardest to call it a night.

I'm kind of nervous about the whole fast thing. Not eating and then pooping a lot on top of it. Duh I'll lose weight. I just hope I'm ok afterwords!

Tomorrow morning starts the salt water flush & lemonade drink. Needless to say, I'll be leaving my room & bathroom doors WIDE open. No room for accidents!

Aiming for the full 40 days, but minimum of 10 days. Def 10 days!

Tomorrow's day one. Lets see how it goes!

:* mV

Simulation vs Reality

       Playing around on Model My Diet. This is a simulation of my current weight (285) and what I'd look like at my goal weight (150). WOW!!! Talk about putting things into perspective! 

       I can't wait to get down my goal, or at least close enough that I look less like an apple and more of a pear/ hour glass! *fingers crossed*

Then & Where We're Headed

        5 months ago, after avoiding the scale for an entire year, I finally stepped on. My eyes welled up as I watched the needle swoosh passed 260 and 270, then 280, 290, and stopped right after 300. As if 299 wasn't enough! I immediately formulated a plot to drop weight. I went grocery shopping and got only healthy stuff. Did research - the whole 9 yards! After a month, I dropped 7 pounds!!! *cheer leader noises* Yea, well that didn't last long. I decided to celebrate my loss and I gained back every thing I lost... AND THEN SOME! 

        In April, I weighed in at my highest weight to date - a whopping 310 pounds! I was utterly disgusted with my self and decided I needed to get away!! From everyone and everything! I sent my self on a mini vacation. 3 months of semi-healthy eating and regular cardio, plus my metformin (to help with the insulin resistance) and birth control pills (to help regulate my menstrual cycle). I didn't weigh my self at all during those 3 months but did what I needed to. I came back home and ran to the bathroom. Undressed, closed my eyes, and stepped onto the scale. The scale screamed 290!! I dropped 20 pounds!! 

        I've been back for a month and despite doing practically no cardio (because I'm lazy), and just by eating semi-healthy and continuing with my meds, I've lost another 5 lbs! If that isn't motivation enough to go harder, I don't know what is! 

        So from here on out, I know I have a blog and my self to answer to! This isn't just going to be a battle of me against my weight. This is going to be a war! And it wont be over until I hit my goal and maintain it! 

I'm not looking to lose weight, I'm getting rid of it! I have no intention of 'finding' it again!

A Toast to the Fat Friend and New Beginnings

Every new beginning comes from some other "beginning's" ending.

        Growing up, I had always been everyone's "fat friend". Sure, there were girls who were a little bigger than me, as were there girls who I could double up and I'd still be bigger than them. But it was all good! 
I always knew I was different than most of my friends. They all went from boyfriend to boyfriend, and I was the one who was just "one of the guys" - AKA always friend zoned! (lol)

        We used to move around a lot so I never had many friends I saw out side of school, except, of course the other kids in which ever neighborhood we landed in. I used to be fairly active, played sports with the other guys, rode bikes, always played out side from the time we finished homework right until it was time to wash up for dinner. But no matter where we moved, some how, I always ended up back in the same school system. For the size of the city, there were only a few elementary schools. 

        When I was in middle school, I started the magical and oh so unavoidable transformation from little girl into young lady. And boy, did I hate it! I didn't like the attention! And my guy friends who had always been my guy friends now looked at me different. So, I changed from a girl who was their friend, to a tom-boy who just wanted to be one of the guys again. I'm pretty sure everyone realized, they were just nice enough not to say anything. And so began the hiding behind baggy clothes. 

       I loved going to school! I was voted "class clown" and "most friendly". And then ... We moved again! This time it was supposed to be a permanent move. Where I lived through my childhood was a very diverse and busy city - Everyone was friendly to one another, no one got in your way, and everyone just got along. I don't know why, but there seemed to be just happiness and positive vibes. Where we moved, how ever, was the total opposite, to us at least. It was a small town, not too far from the city we were living in. Everyone seemed to get along and had no real issues with one another. But it wasn't very diverse... at all! 

        Until this point, I just made friends with people because it's what I was good at. I could smile at someone, tell a joke or two and BAM! We're best friends. But this new school, which I was starting half way through the academic-school-year, was much different. My first day at school was Halloween. Everyone came dressed in different costumes, masks, hats, etc. I, how ever, was dressed like I was going to a new school for the first time. This was the first time I was reminded that I was not white and not welcome somewhere simply for the reason that my skin was a different hue than everyone else... Which sucks!! I literally went from being one of the most liked and friendly people in my school to being the most hated and quiet. I used to sit alone at lunch and in the back corner of the class rooms, and no one cared. Not even the teachers/ staff. Dad finally realized and we moved 2 years later - Summer after 8th grade graduation.

        The high school wasn't as diverse as where I grew up, but it was MUCH better than the middle school! I told my self, I wasn't even going to bother trying to make friends. My freshman year came and went. I made 1 friend that year. She moved away the summer of freshman year. Sophomore year began and I was all alone. I just went from class to class and prayed for the day to end so I could go home. I hated school now. Then a girl from the city I grew up in moved to our area. I didn't know her when I lived in The City, but I wanted to know her now! But, I had forgotten how to make friends. I didn't know how to walk up to her and introduce my self, and realizing that made me not want to even try. But somehow, we ended up being introduced and became friends. From that friendship came many, many more friends!

        I was still, how ever, the "Fat Friend" - Only this time, I convinced my self that the best plan was to avoid "fat friend" type situations. I couldn't go out shopping with my girl friends because... Well none of them went into the plus size stores. Duh! I'd go to the mall and walk around stores pretending I was going to buy something and then, oops!! Changed my mind at the last second. I'm pretty sure everyone caught onto my act after a few times.

        Welcome to the chapter of my life that I like to call "Fat girl depression." - Pretty much stemmed from not having any social life and realizing how NO ONE around me was any where near my weight. Mind you, I was around 160 at this time, but all my girlfriends were under 120. Oh, how I'd KILL to be 160 now! *sniffle sniffle* (lol) While undergoing blood tests, I found out I was pre-diabetic/ insulin resistant, and had PCOS. Thanks for your gifts, obesity! 

        I've literally tried almost every fad diet anyone has mentioned to me. From herbal teas, to starving (which didn't last long because I love eating), to diet pills and so on! Of course some worked for a little while, but then UGH!! Much to my disapproval, all the weight comes back and brings some friends to stay and party. So slowly, slowly, but surely, the weight's crept up. I seemed to have plateaued at 260 for a few years. As much as I tried, the scale wouldn't move - higher or lower! 

So what's different now?

        I married way too early (20) and just went through a divorce. Ex-Hubby dearest had THE nicest (sarcasm) things to say about my weight and comparing me to every super-model-esque girl he could. Really  went out of his way to make me feel crummy about my self!!

        I wish I had some photos to compare my weight. But I went through a stage where I deleted ANY and every photo of my self that even hinted that I was over weight.

        And now, I'm at the stage in my life where I have completely isolated my self. I have very few friends who I talk to every now and then through social networking. I miss my social life.

There's a wild and crazy/ fun girl hidden some where behind all this blubber!

So, I've just got to get rid of it to let her out and be free!